I'm Moving to Transa

In the 2000 film, Where the Heart Is, Natalie Portman plays a pregnant 17-year old who lives in Walmart after being abandoned by her boyfriend.

I want to do that, only instead of Walmart, I want to live in Transa.

Transa is a Swiss outdoor sport and travel store that is my equivalent to Disneyland.

I would sleep in the super modern, über comfortable tents with suspended hammock sleeping.
I would eat their bounty of PowerBars and trail mixes.
I would drink from their state of the art hydration packs.
I would use their disposable and hygienic camping toilets.
I would learn German by reading their library of travel and trail running books.
I would stay in shape by riding their bikes and using the indoor climbing wall (yes indoor climbing wall!).
I would stay warm in their trendiest North Face and Mammut fleeces.

I have clearly put a lot of thought into this and, given its behemouth size, no one would ever find me.

Transa, Ich ha di gèèrn.