Aaaand I'M OUT!

Only this time, there is no badass mic drop, à la Kanye West.

Nope. Not this time.

Just as the weather is getting warmer, the days are getting longer and I was getting back into my running routine, disaster struck: I had a pretty gnarly knee injury.

The injury itself was pretty badass, if I do say so myself.  I was injured during a roller derby match. Yes, that's right: roller derby. This is kinda how I remember it happening:

But in reality, I'm pretty sure it was more like this:

In either case, the bottom half of my leg went one way, while the top half of my leg went the other, causing my right knee to pop in all kinds of places. After x-rays, MRIs and a slew of other tests, the diagnosis is in: torn ACL.

Luckily, due to my superhuman-strong legs, it's been determined that I don't need surgery. Instead, I need to work on the other muscles on my knee to live a "normal" (I use that term loosely) life, sans ACL. In total the physical therapy should take around four months.

So I've been couch-bound for about a week and, according to my physio, I should be able to start riding a bike in another 3 weeks or so. And running can resume probably in another 5 weeks. Super.

This is just typical, though, isn't it? I've been putting off running (and exercise in general) all winter long, and now I have finally got my motivation back to hit the trails once again with running at lunch, in the evenings and weekends. And then THIS has to happen! ARG. Frustration doesn't even begin to cover it.

It's like the universe wants me to be fat and lazy.

As previously mentioned, I'm the world's worst patient. So naturally I am hating every minute of this. And I am totally jealous of anyone who can actually walk.

Will I make it through this? Of course.

Will I be entirely unbearable during the process? Definitely.

Boo.

Mission: The Most Epic Running Playlist. EVER.

BORED OUTTA MY GOURD

So for the last week I've been sick with that horrible thing that's been going around. Sweaty and shivery, nauseous, headachey and just plain miserable to be around. I don't even want to eat. No, seriously. And those of you who know me know that eating is one of my favourite things. THAT'S how sick I am.

And as anyone who knows me will attest, I am the worst patient in the world. I hate being sick. HATE. IT. Being forced to sit and "relax" (ew.) and not being allowed to move around because my body simply can't handle it is as frustrating as everything on this list. COMBINED.

So, in order to keep my mind busy while my body betrays me, I have decided to create the world's most epic running playlist, and I would like your help.

When I say running, I mean RUNNING. I don't mean basketball warmup or crossfit music. These are totally different genres, and if you participate in any of them, you totally know what I mean. So, dear readers, I would like you to tell me what songs motivate you to strap on your running shoes and brave the elements for a run. What keeps you going when every muscle in your body is screaming for you to stop and go home and eat a block of cheese? ('Cause I know it's not just me who has that).

You can email me, tweet me or facebook me with your submissions.

Disclaimer: this is a judgement-free zone! I don't care what kind of music gets you going. I just want to know what works. To show what I'll mean, I will post some of my more eclectic choices and we can add to them. 

Here we go:

The Most Epic Running Playlist. EVER.

(in no particular order)

1. Sabotage - Beastie Boys
2. Heavy Cross - Gossip
3. Standing Outside the Fire - Garth Brooks

4. F*cking in the Bushes - Oasis

5. Here Comes the Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze

6. Blood of Heroes - Týr

To be continued... your turn!

So, What's Your Excuse?

Since landing a desk job where I am basically sat 9 hours a day straight, the exception being the occasional coffee or bathroom break, I have struggled to “find time” to get back into running. As such, I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to be more active and to MAKE TIME. Anyone who has survived a Swiss winter will know that running before or after work is essentially out of the question (-12° Celsius/ 10° Fahrenheit  in pitch darkness), so I’ve started running during my lunch breaks at work at least two days a week. And actually so far, it’s been alright!

I get a break from the monotony of my day-to-day, take in the fresh, crisp mountain air, and get to see things like this en route:

But there are still days where I just don’t wanna go. It’s too cold, I’m too tired, my legs are sore, the office is too busy. And unfortunately, about 70% of the time these excuses work and I end up staying in the comfort of my glass box, watching the outside world from behind a computer monitor. And to be honest, sometimes I’m ok with that. I convince myself that my excuses are valid and I’m making “the right decision” by staying inside.

Then I saw this remarkable story about a young girl called Kayla Montgomery. Get your tissues ready:

After seeing this incredible girl fight through her disease just so she can run – just so she can feel alive and make the most of her legs while she can still use them, it kinda puts things into perspective. Suddenly my sore legs don’t seem all that sore, and my tired body doesn’t seem all that tired.

So, what are you doing over this lunch break? 

Falling Off the Fitness Wagon

Ok so you may have been wondering where I have been lately. Well, to be honest, so have I. 

I was enjoying my ”time off” from training a lot. Like, A LOT. Too much perhaps. And despite my best intentions of exercising everyday, that old voice was back in my head louder than ever. You know the one – the one that’s so good at coming up with excuses NOT to run or exercise that you can’t help but abide it. So at first, when I was contemplating going for a run after the marathon I found the voice telling me, "you really deserve a rest".  Not so long after it would say, "you should really have a burger and beer, you’ve earned it". And before I knew it, 3 months after running the Jungfrau Marathon the voice was somehow convincing me that I deserved extra calories, beer, and loads of recovery time. That’s what the voice will do to ya!

Truth be told my friends, I had well and truly fallen off the fitness wagon.

So it took a while of gradually convincing myself that I was still a runner and, despite an extra couple of kilos, cold weather and increased levels of laziness, I could still do "it". "It" meant a number of things: go for a run at lunch, do some burpees in the morning, or get back into yoga. Regardless of what "it" was, I knew I had to get back into "it" and fast.

That’s when my old friends at Hillskeeker Crossfit reached out to me. I guess they realised I had been off the radar for a while and wondered what I had been up to. The truth was, I had done a whole lot of eating and resting and not much else. So they invited me to take part in the Warrior Challenge: a 5-hour series of outdoor activities featuring both physical and mental challenges. Was I interested? Hell yes!

The Warrior Challenge took place in what I can only describe as a blizzard. There were activities that challenged every aspect of the athlete: physical, endurance and mental. 

Carrying heavy stuff far - and this was only the beginning...

We were wet, cold and tired, but something kept us going. 

Bear crawl up the hill, log roll down the hill. And repeat.

After having been in the snow, wet and cold for 4 hours we were being shown the last, and toughest, bit of the challenge: an obstacle course that we had to complete, in teams of 4, carrying logs and people on stretchers. 

It was at this point I really wanted to give up. I had had enough. I was wet, cold, hungry, and exhausted both physically and mentally. I was actually thinking to myself, "how do I get out of this? Do I say I have a train to catch? Or would it require something even more dramatic – like a twisted ankle, perhaps?".   Not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I felt I simply couldn’t do it.  The fear of holding my team back and letting everyone down was what scared me more than anything. I convinced myself I was giving up for them, not for me. I let the fear grip me for about 10 minutes.

Then got a hold of myself, told myself to MAN UP and get on with it. And I did. 

Carrying a log through an obstacle course.

We weren’t first, but we weren’t last. I was muddy, frozen solid, exhausted beyond anything I thought possible, and victorious. It was awesome.

Carrying heavy logs makes me pull attractive faces like this.

Once again I had pushed through the barrier to see that the only person stopping me was myself. No, I wasn’t the fastest. No, I wasn’t the strongest. But I didn’t give up. I refused to let that voice in my head that was telling me to just go home, get warm, put my feet up and eat some cheese, defeat me.

I was back on the fitness wagon my friends.

JenFrau is back.

*photos courtesy of Hillseeker Crossfit

Shut it, Negative Nancy!

During my school years we had to participate in the President’s Physical Fitness Test – a series of different athletic activities that take place every year for American school children to gauge (and, apparently, to encourage) their fitness. I remember enjoying most of these events: long jump, high jump, weight lifting... but the one I hated - the one I loathed more than anything on this earth - was the timed mile. I hated it because I was awful at it. Make me chase after a ball and I will run after it for days. Put me on a circular track and tell me to run around it four times as fast as I can, and you may as well have asked me to gnaw off my own foot. Not only was it boring and monotonous, but I was always last. Always. And I just hated not being good at something. I remember one year, I must have been about 11 or 12 years old, it took me 18 minutes to finish the mile. Yes, that’s right, I ran an 18 minute mile. 18 minutes! I remember one of my classmates later telling me, “wow, you’re really bad at running!”. And so the story was put into my head: I am really bad at running. And if I’m bad at it, I hate it. Ergo, I hate running.

This hatred for all things running-related was only further solidified by my sports coaches using running as punishment. Late for practice? Take a lap. Have an awful game? Take a lap. All of these experiences only helped to prove to me that running was a horrible, horrible thing and should be avoided at all costs.

So you can imagine that, at 32 years old, learning to run wasn’t exactly top of my list of things I was excited to do. This reluctance wasn't helped by the self-doubt I had been carrying around with me ever since the dreaded day of the 18 minute mile 20 years earlier. I'm sure many of you will more than likely be familiar with that little voice inside your head who keeps filling you with self-doubt. Well, mine is called Negative Nancy, and there is nothing she loves more than talking me out of running. When I started my training for the marathon, I could only run one minute at a time before having to stop. So I started out with what I had: I would run a minute, walk a minute, run a minute, etc, until I had done 10 minutes of running. I did this along the main road that goes through our village - and there were cars there - with people in them! I would feel so incredibly embarrassed as my belly, thighs and pretty much every other fatty part of me would jiggle like a bowl of Jello as I would heave my mass down the busy road. This embarrassment was definitely not helped by Negative Nancy, who was always there to remind me just how incredibly stupid I looked, like the crazy mom in Stephen King's 'Carrie':

"You look ridiculous when you run - they're all gonna laugh at you!"
"You're too fat to run - they're all gonna laugh at you!"
"You struggle to run more than a minute - they're all gonna laugh at you!"

Even when I joined Hillseeker Crossfit, Negative Nancy was always there to tell me why it was such a stupid idea to go, and I should just turn off my alarm and go back to sleep:

"You always come in last place - they're all gonna laugh at you!"
"You're not as strong as everyone else - they're all gonna laugh at you!"
"You're twice the size as everyone else - they're all gonna laugh at you!"

She tried anything she could to keep me from getting out there. And in the beginning sometimes she won and I would agree with her and stay inside where it was warm, safe and out of view of others. But eventually I had my realization:  when I see people running, no matter what size they are, how old they are, or how "bad" they look, I have never thought like Negative Nancy. Instead, I always thought, "wow, good for you to get out there and do something rather than sitting around moaning about it". I was always impressed with people who, despite their size or age, ignored their own self-doubts and had the courage to get out there and do what they had to do to get fit. That's when it hit me: Negative Nancy is full of it. No one is going to see me running along the road and laugh at me - just like I wouldn't laugh at someone else I saw running.

And even if they did laugh - who cares?! I don't know them, never will, and (the plus side to being an expat) I don't even understand their language so couldn't know if they were laughing at me or not! So, what was my problem? Nothing. It was all in my head, and I just had to find a way to shut Negative Nancy up and get on with it.

So some of you may be thinking:
"I'm too fat to start running"
"I'm too old to start running"
"I don't want to come in last place"

I know this because I used to think these things. I used to think it was too late for me to start running. Or I was too out of shape or too overweight or too busy or too injured, etc etc etc. I was letting Negative Nancy talk me out of it and I was getting nowhere in plenty of time. And it wasn't until I shut her up and got out there that I realized what I'm actually capable of.

Negative Nancy is still there trying to talk me out of the things that I want to do. But I'm a lot better at ignoring her and just getting on with it. And yes, I still come in last place most of the time. I am the slowest in my crossfit. Of the three races I ran this year, I was pretty much dead last in every single one of them. But here's the thing: I don't care. Even when I didn't finish this year's JungFrau Marathon, I wasn't entirely heartbroken because, hey at least I was there and not sitting on my couch wishing I was there. Plus, there's always next year.

As one of my good friends and a fellow runner once told me: "there is a special kind of courage in always coming last but never giving up". So if my role is to be the Rudy of running, so be it. Plus, maybe one day I will get carried off a mountain (in a triumphant way, not in an ambulance or helicopter).

So this (finally) brings me to my point. We are all good at different things - and just because you may not be the sportiest or fittest person, it doesn't mean you never will be. It just means you need get out there and get on with it. The hardest part of getting into anything is starting. And the hardest part to starting it is ignoring Negative Nancy, telling her to shut it, and just get out there. So with that said, I'll see you on the trails!

Jungfrau Marathon Race Report

For the last 5 months not a day went by when I wasn't thinking about Saturday the 14th of September. That was going to be the day that I was going to run my first marathon ever - up a mountain referred to as "The Top Of Europe". And finally that day had arrived.

Excited? Heck yes. Nervous? Absolutely. Frightened? Extremely.

Time to get my game face on:

The day promised perfect running weather: not too warm, not too cool, slightly overcast so not too sunny.

I was feeling pumped but also a bit overwhelmed with the crowd and the knowledge that in a matter of minutes I would start my first marathon ever.

Just before the start of the race, the Yak Pack got together for a team photo:

Photo compliments of Carolyn Luond

In this photo we are meant to be pointing at the Jungfrau. Unfortunately, it seems some of us were not able to locate it, which didn't bode well for the day ahead:

Psssst - it's the giant snow-covered mountain BEHIND YOU!

With three minutes to go, we made our way to the starting line. The announcer said that there were just under 5,000 runners in the race for the day. It felt like every single one of them was crowded around me.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG...

And 3...2...1... we were off!

And then we stop because of bottlenecking.

And we were off again!

And then we stop again.

Aaaaaaand... off again?

Aaaaaaand some dude just dropped his water bottle and stopped to pick it up....

Aaaaaaand... off again! Weeeeee!

I promised the other Yak Packers that I wouldn't take any photos or tweet during this race - so I'm relying on the kindness of others for photos for this blog. Funnily enough, there is not one single photo - not one - of me running. I'm not sure why this is. I promise I did run. Honest!

I can't emphasize enough how wonderful the crowd was. There were signs, noisemakers, cheering, clapping, cow bells, you name it. It was such an amazing feeling to have so many people, so many strangers, supporting me. Because I was a bit ahead of my pace, I decided to make the most of the moment and, seeing lots of kids on either side of the course looking for high fives, began zig-zagging from one side to the other, trying to hit every hand I could. This was awesome, the kids loved it and it got me even louder cheers. I was nailing it!

This sign was made for "JenFau", whoever that is.

That's when I realized I had made the classic novice error. I was so pumped with excitement for my first race that I got a bit carried away and went completely full throttle on my first kilometer. This felt great, the crowd was cheering me on, and I was passing people. There was a guy running in a caveman costume, one dude barefoot, a guy wearing a suit and tie, and another guy running backwards - backwards. Anyway, it felt great! Until I got to kilometer 3 and ran out of steam. Slowly but surely, every person I passed ended up passing me. So I took it down a gear and settled into a slow but comfortable pace, which I hoped I would be able to maintain for the course.

What I would have looked like if I were fast... and a man.

Before the race I was given a table of times I needed to make in order keep on pace. I chose the slowest pace to ensure that I at least made the cut-offs:

I was keeping really good pace: I hit the 5km mark at 00:35, and the 10km mark at 01:15. I was feeling great, on my pace and looking to make the cut offs with a little time to spare.

As we approached a hill at the 15km mark in Zweilütschinen, I found myself in the front of the last group of runners. That's when two cyclists with crew shirts and signs that read "Schluss"("Closing") came up behind me and started shouting "SCHNELL SCHNELL!" ("FASTER FASTER!"). They told me that I had to go faster or I would be out of the race. I was really confused by this, as according to my watch I had just passed the 15km mark 2 minutes ahead of schedule and was making good time. I took a quick look behind me and saw all the people that were there had stopped running and were walking back towards Zweilütschinen train station. Like a tsunami on wheels, these cyclist were wiping out everything behind me. Eventually, I was at the very last runner still in the race.

I don't know if you've ever been yelled at in German, but it's not pleasant. In certain circumstances, it can be downright terrifying. This was definitely one of those circumstances. With the cycling-tsunami barking at me to go faster, I tried to pick up the pace. That's when it happened: an unmistakable and all-too familiar "POP" in my left calf - the same calf I tore back in March. I immediately dropped to the ground and grabbed my leg. Half of the human-tsunami stopped, asked if I was ok and told me that there was a train station a few kilometers back and that I should give up and walk back. I told him I was fine and just needed to stretch (my passive aggressive way of saying LEAVE ME ALONE!). That's when they handed me this:

This pissed me off for two reasons:
1. The bold print was really not necessary.
2. I wasn't even "behind the official Jungfrau-Marathon schedule" - according to my pace chart, I was actually 2 minutes ahead of said schedule!!

But, I guess as with most things Swiss, 2 minutes early means you're 8 minutes late.

The relief I felt when the tsunami continued rolling up the hill to swallow up more runners was short-lived when I tried to run again. My calf was so sore and tight, but damnit I wasn't giving up! I ran as best I could for another few kilometers, the entire time thinking about how - if I don't at least try - I would be letting everyone down. Everyone who had donated both money and time to help me with this race. I thought of what a disappointment it would be to make such a huge fuss about this run only to blow it half way through. But after running another 3 kilometers with a severe limp, I was reminded of the extent to which our muscular systems are interconnected, Old Testament style: a pain in the calf begats a pain in the knee; a pain in the knee begats a pain in the hip; a pain in the hip begats a pain in the back, etc etc etc.

Time to face facts. I was done. There were no two ways about it. The more I ran the more pain I was in - and there was no way I'd make it up The Wall in this state. Plus, I've had a pebble in my shoe for hours now and it's really starting to bug me. Time to accept defeat. For the next 15 minutes, alone in the woods, I got out all my frustrations: I swore, I cried, I kicked things (which really hurt). I am thankful there were no impressionable children or animals who understood English (or any human language for that matter) in the vicinity. After I got it all out of my system, a sense of clarity and relief washed over me. There was only one thing left for me to do...

So I carried on walking another 2 kilometers to Lauterbrunnen, where I knew the Yak Pack supporters were waiting for me. Along the walk I had time to reflect on this journey I'd been on and how, even if I wasn't going to get my fairy tale ending of crossing the finish line, I had come pretty damn far overall. 5 months ago, the first day I started training for this challenge, I couldn't even run more than 1 minute at a time. No, seriously. I had to run a minute, walk a minute, run a minute, walk a minute. Gradually I built up to 2 minutes, then 3, until I was up to 10 minutes of straight running. Then I was at 30 minutes. Eventually, I built up to 5 hours. And here I am, at one of the toughest marathons in the world. I know what you're thinking, "that's just crazy talk!", and I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't live it and know it was true.

Feeling much better after my hissy-fit, I arrived at Lauterbrunnen to the wonderful Yak Pack supporters who were all congratulating me on a job well done. I felt great and, despite being in quite a bit of pain, had a sense of accomplishment that I've never experienced before. I had run (not finished), the Jungfrau Marathon after just 5 months of training. BOOYAH! Now, let's go find the other runners!

So all together we got the train from Lauterbrunnen up to Wengernalp, near the top of one of the toughest hills on the course. There was a marching band and a lot of runners who looked like they needed some cheering up on this long uphill trek, and we were happy to oblige. We started cheering on anyone and everyone we could - most runners had their name and nationality on their running number, so we could cheer them on by name. This never failed to bring a smile to even the weariest of faces.

My sports massage therapist, favorite Guinness-consuming customer,
and friend Emma looks pretty happy to see a familiar face.

Where possible, we also tried to cheer them on in their own language: Finns got "HYVA SUOMI!" ("Go Finland!"), the French got "ALLEZ ALLEZ!" and so on. But of course our fellow Yak Packers, identified by their Room to Read hats and shirts got the loudest cheers of all. A few of them looked really confused to see me standing there cheering them on - so naturally I would tell them that I had already finished the marathon and came back down to find out what was taking them so long.

"Get the lead out, Brack!"

Coincidentally, see that guy there in the red? That's Bachmann Beat from my Mountain Man Half Marathon blog entry, doing what he does best: passing people on hills.

Soooo remember that pebble in my shoe I mentioned earlier? Well, it was at this station where I decided to finally dig that damn pebble out. I ripped off my shoe, tore off my sock and got quite a scare.

Ever wonder what running 20k with a pebble in your shoe looks like?? Then wonder no more:

Beware, the photo you're about to see is absolutely RANK!

Just then, a man and woman walked past and asked if I was ok. I showed them my toe, but they didn't react like everyone else, recoiling in disgust - they sprang into action. Apparently they were EMTs who just so happened to be carrying around their First Aid packs. Nice! So the guy opened up his pack, put on some rubber gloves, disinfected the area, and got out... a serrated knife (!?!?). I wasn't sure if he was lancing it or amputating the whole toe! The sight of the knife made me a bit squeamish and I asked him, as politely as I could, if there was anything smaller and less threatening-looking he could use. He obliged by digging out a pair of innocent tweezers and did the deed.

With relief in my toe, it was time to grab the train up to the finish line at Kleine Scheidegg. The last time I was at Kleine Scheidegg it was under three feet of snow (see blog post from June, "It's all Fun and Games, Until Someone Gets Gangrene"). This time it was under three feet of mud. So, ya know, progress.

Since signing up for the marathon, I had always been promised one treat should I make it to the top of the mountain. Well, I made it to the top of the mountain (even if it was by train), and was ready to collect my prize.

Me, bratwurst and beer - reunited.

Once that was done, it was time to check out how the rest of the Yak Pack were doing at the finish line. We got to the finish line in time to see a woman who, as she crossed the finish line, proposed to her boyfriend! Don't worry, he said yes. Be more worried about the fact that she whipped out a veil and a ring - rumors on where she kept these items during the preceding 42 kilometer run can not be confirmed.

Where did she keep that veil!?

But, more importantly - the Yak Pack CRUSHED the marathon... one after another came cruising through the finish line like nobody's business:

Crushing a finish line like it's never been crushed.

All in all there were 23 of us who ran the marathon. Two Yak Packers actually ran it twice. Yes, TWICE. I prefer to think they got to the top, realized they forgot something and ran back down, because it's more comfortable than thinking that they actually wanted to run it twice. Check out their blog about it here and decide for yourself.

The 23-runner strong Yak Pack managed to raise around $80,000 in total, with donations still rolling in. That's enough money to send 320 girls to school next year, which is just totally awesome amazeballsness. What an amazing adventure, and team, to be a part of. Roll on Jungfrau 2014!!

The 2013 Jungfrau Marathon Yak Pack and supporters.

Taking Visualization to a Whole New Level

The time has finally arrived... it started out with a 5 month countdown and now we're only hours away. This time tomorrow I will be an hour into running my very first marathon ever - up a mountain referred to as "The Top of Europe".

Tomorrow.

OMG - TOMORROW! I should really pack...

At a recent Room to Read event, Coach Jeff Grant from Hillseeker Fitness gave us runners some sage advice about the power of visualization: seeing yourself running the course, feeling positive, strong and light, culminating in an awesome finish. 

If there are two things I have in this world, they would be 1) a highly active imagination, and 2) kick-ass desktop publishing skills. In order to aid my visualization, I have combined the two to create some useful visualization tools to help me prepare for tomorrow's Jungfrau Marathon.  

Enjoy:

The moraine - spectators in awe.

Over the clouds - still smiling.

Just your typical Swiss bagpiper

Leading the pack, feeling awesome.

Finishing strong!

WINNING!

But - in all seriousness - as this is my last post before the marathon, I just wanted to thank everyone who has supported me through this journey. In just 5 months, you've helped turn this soft, lazy couch potato into someone who can do more than she ever thought possible.

I would also like to thank everyone who donated. With your contributions, I've managed to raise $2,000 - that's enough to send 8 girls to school next year. And with Credit Suisse's trippling of donations, that makes it 24. All together, so far the Yak Pack has raised enough money to sent 258 girls to school (not counting Credit Suisse's contributions). What an amazing achievement for us all!

This is only the beginning of JenFrau and I'm sure there will be more adventures to come. So stay tuned! I would like to finish by saying:

I may not be the strongest. I may not be the fastest. 

But I'll be damned if I'm not going to try my absolute hardest.

Thank you everyone.